Lose of passion

Since feb 2013, I haven't been crying so vigorously.
I feel deeply hurt by Alvin, and the same pattern in our dating stage came back again.

I have changed quite a bit in the way I treat him. In the past he always complain about me being too direct and inconsiderate about his feelings. After reading a blog written by a man, I finally realized this is not the right way n all men loves to hear sweet n positive things, like to be praised rather than be critised even tats not true. Relationship is aiming to give each other good feelings rather than arguing what's truth. This indeed make my relationship much smoother.  At the same time, both of us are trying to do better, eg share housework, prepare for baby n make each other feel comfortable.

Yet Alvin has been picking on my slackness and lack of interest. This is something I always struggle with. I can see that he feels unexcited and often blame me why I can't share common interest with him. I have been going out with him to places he like, like museums.  He wants me to show more interest, rather than just join the activity with him.and he will critised me if I never heard of those things. This discouragedcme to find out further. guess this is the dominating nature of alvin.  He often ask what are my interests , which the whole gives me a lot of pressure.

I guess he is feeling bored, just like the continuation of our dating time. Alvin often complimented other gals like how curious they are, such as xin hui. it makes me feel that he is not looking for someone like me. I dont feel appreciated. i dont feel treasured. i feel very tired and pressured coping with him. In addition there are many activities I cannot do in pregnancy, like hiking cycling and now no more traveling. I also have no interest to shop, and cannot do hair.   I m coping with the change of my body, the darkening of skin, the fear never to lose weight and fallen breasts. Frankly I hope Alvin can be more considerate to a pregnant wife.

In fact I finally understand that there is no men in the world can love me and accepts my true face. Even thats your husband, 你若不自強, 全天下的人都會踩你. it is similar to facing work and client. To maintain attraction, especially with people with high standard like Alvin,  I must set high standards for myself, to develop my interest and passion. To keep pretty and knowledgable. Even when the baby is out, I shall have my own life. I shall also stop thinking whether it is a mistake to get married and have baby. I made my choice. And for Alvin, I realized that you should only know how to treat a man instead of love him. My love for him has been destroyed by events. He needs his time to be more stable and mature.