Life is always so unexpected. And things happened out of your control, or not your timing. We can just follow it.

Just love the way you are

讓愛情延續的10個建議

讓愛情延續的10個建議

前 幾天和同事阿Ben一起去吃中飯，聊到他與新婚老婆的近況，顯然從他的談話中透露出許多的無力感。從婚後他與老婆似乎經常為了小事吵架，對於一些事情的看 法及價值感也差距頗大，更讓我訝異的是，他和老婆是相戀七年後才決定結婚的，照道理說雙方應該已經很了解對方才是。後來仔細了解後，原來他們夫妻倆都是脾 氣非常硬的人，也因此在婚前就常為了小事吵架彼此都不想讓步。

「我也不知道該怎麼辦，原本以為結婚後情況會改變，可是現在的狀況並不是如此，這樣時常吵架真的很累人…」阿Ben說。明明是相愛的兩個人，卻還在等待幸福穩定的感覺，你是否也正在為了維護自己的戀情而焦頭爛額呢？請看看以下的建議吧！

鼓勵與讚美很重要

男女剛剛陷入愛情的時候，必然會互相讚美對方的優點，隨著關係固定下來，感情的熱度略為下降之後，人們對「鼓勵與讚美」這種事情就做得少了，儘管兩個人仍舊十分傾心於對方，但是已經不會再大聲地說出讚美和鼓勵的話。

如果缺乏真心的讚美和鼓勵，那麼最初的讚美給彼此所帶來的美妙感受和感激之情就會大大降低，直接導致的結果就是兩人的感情聯繫變得薄弱。

因此，必須多多鼓勵對方，把他當作一個值得讚賞的對象，告訴他你對他身上的某個優點非常著迷，尤其是男性引以為豪，但是很少能讓別人了解的方面，例如他良好的社交能力，或者不為人知的小專長，甚至是他健美的體格。

想要什麼就明說

例如，我朋友小茹最痛恨老公在睡覺前不摟摟抱抱自己就直接睡死。每當他忘記的時候，她就會耍個性，不好好睡覺，甚至裝病哭鬧。而她那莫名其妙的丈夫只會不斷地問她：你到底哪裏不舒服？

相信這一場戲劇場面你並不會陌生。我想很多女生都跟小茹一樣，希望老公或者男友是一個會心電感應的特異功能人士，不需說明就可以做出她們喜歡的浪漫舉動，但是，世界上有心電感應能力的人真的是鳳毛麟角，對方不能在你的心裏裝上竊聽器，隨時聽到你的心聲。

在良好的情侶關係中，這種「猜一猜」遊戲是應該堅決不玩的，最穩固的愛情需要以沒有障礙的溝通作為基礎。需要什麼、苦惱什麼、希望對方說什麼做什麼，都是直接說出來的好。你一言不發地自己生悶氣，會讓對方無所適從，容易引發矛盾和衝突，從「猜一猜」變成「罵一罵」。

無傷大雅的壞習慣就算了

夫妻或情侶長期生活在一起後，個人的習慣和癖好都會展現在彼此面前，無論他曾經多麼讓你心神蕩漾，共同生活才是考驗你的耐心和包容性的一個開端。

他 可能會邊看著電視邊挖著鼻孔，也可能永遠把用過的浴巾扔在地板上。無論是多麼奇怪的小癖好，明智的你都應該選擇裝作沒看到或是好言溝通。你很快會發現對這 些小事情睜一隻眼閉一隻眼，對你們的關係絕對是利大於弊。既然已經是多年形成的習慣，那麼絕對沒必要在這種事情上浪費時間開火對罵，不要因小失大，想想對 方其他更重要的優點吧。

親密不應該公式化

在 愛情中，表達彼此愛意的最初都是從牽手、擁抱及親吻開始。應該注意的是，不要因為感情久了，就把親吻當作做愛前的例行公事，要重視你們的每一個吻，每次接 吻的時候都要真誠而溫柔。我認為接吻是一種很奇妙的行為，可以很好地表達出「我對你愛不釋手」的感情，對方會感覺你深深地被他吸引，同時他的愛也是你所渴 望的。

另外，增進感情的方法並不只限於親吻，兩個人在一起的時候應該多用撫摸或其他的身體接觸來表達感情。我有個朋友習慣在任何時候都和他女友手牽著手，即使在兩個人睡著了以後也不分開，這是一個值得借鑒的習慣，可以讓你們之間的默契和溫情保持在一個細水長流的穩定水平上。

每天連絡對方一次

如果每天你都會收到伴侶的一封簡訊或是電話問候，你會不會感覺很幸福？還是覺得很煩？也許你們晚上就會見面，但是無論如何都保持這個習慣，讓對方知道你百忙之中心裏還惦記著他，還有什麼比這更讓對方窩心的呢？

我 朋友中關係穩定的戀人，這種做法非常普遍，他們不會讓彼此失去聯繫，每天都會連絡對方。現代社會生活節奏緊張，工作壓力繁重，很有可能兩個人接連幾天都不 能見面，無論是電話、簡訊還是電子郵件，甚至是一張小小字條，無非是想表達：盡管我們不能見面，但是我們的心永遠在一起。

就算只有兩個人也能快樂

經 常穿梭於各種聚會或派對的情侶，往往不被人們看好，真正有潛力天長地久的是那些習慣二人世界的情侶們。他們不需要在人際關係中尋找安全感，在兩個人的世界 裏，他們一樣自得其樂。真正快樂的伴侶珍惜兩個人一起相處的每個平凡時刻，他們在一起就很好，不需要其他人來打擾，不依靠任何活動和游戲就能滿足。

真的可以做到嗎？我朋友阿文和她女友，可以幾個小時坐在沙發上各看各的書，或者一個上網一個看DVD，甚至就是坐在一起發呆放空，完全不用說話，並不需要創造話題，因為對他們來說，能在彼此的身邊相伴就已經足夠了。

做愛真的很重要

一成不變的日子讓人乏味，性愛更是如此，積極的伴侶不會忽視這個問題。美滿的性愛特別有助於促進感情，兩個人都有義務開發新的情趣，讓兩個人的激情永不消退。

經 常變換花樣會讓彼此之間獲得更大的歡娛，同時讓彼此更了解對方的需要，讓兩個人真正地達到身心合一，記住，變換花樣並不是要對方搞特技表演還是體操動作。 在性愛方面兩個人的交流更加重要，應該放下羞怯的心理，坦誠積極地追求美妙新鮮的感覺，這樣才能幫助愛情歷久彌新，堅定持久。

愛情也要追蹤進度

並不是要求兩個人真的每星期開一次周會，討論最近兩個人在愛情方面的投入支出，還是有沒有每兩天交一次「貨」，更不是說，當有不安全感或摩擦產生的時候，就要舉辦一場「非常男女批鬥大會」。

兩個人對感情能夠開誠佈公地討論並把握進度是很有必要的。經常討論你們雙方對彼此的表現和內心的想法，可以幫助你們找出感情路途上的小問題並隨手解決掉，這是很多親密伴侶經常採用的方法，值得學習。

例 如，名作家吳淡如曾在節目中提到，習慣與她另一伴在兩個人都很放鬆的情況下進行一場小小的會談，她把這個叫做「愛情民主聯盟」，他們會把近期以來對彼此的 感受和想法，特別是不愉快的想法統統講出來，所有可能影響兩個人感情的不快都能夠得到宣泄和消除，這是一種積極的方法，可以預防兩個人各自將不悅隱瞞引起 的危機。

永遠懂得尊重彼此

如果想知 道一對情侶是感情深厚還是感情已經亮起紅燈，只要觀察一下他們談話時候的表情和語氣就可以看出端倪。如果他們之中的任何一個動不動就給對方白眼、冷笑或者 言語諷刺，那麼可以預期他們之間不太可能長久下去了。如果一個人對另一個人總是居高臨下，說明他們之間缺乏最基本的尊重，這是每一對伴侶都應該盡量克服的 壞習慣。

盡管很多時候你需要很大的力量克制自己不發表意見，但是一個好戀人不應該對伴侶表示出輕蔑或譏諷。有的時候你的伴侶確實表現得愚 蠢，那麼不妨換個立場考慮，如果你受到對方的搶話或嘲笑，你必然會感覺受到了傷害，所以同樣地對方身上他受到打擊也是相同的。我們應該學會克制，保留對方 的自尊對彼此的關係很重要。

有時沒有必要太誠實

誠 實是兩個人相處中最基本的要求，但是這並不代表所有的事情上你都要表現得過於真實，因為很多時候真話並不是那麼美好，很可能會對你的伴侶造成傷害。舉個例 子，Amy的男友讓她給自己外表打分數，按照1到10分的標準，直言不諱地說可以打7分，盡管她覺得7分已經不錯了，但是她男朋友還是很有挫敗感，進而與 Amy吵了一架。

怎樣才能把握好說實話和善意謊言之間的尺度呢？什麼時候該說真話，什麼時候應該輕描淡寫打混過去？最有效的辦法就是在開 口說話之前，先設想一下如果換成你來提問，你會希望他說出什麼樣的答案，如果跟你打算說出的回答一樣，你會感覺高興還是受打擊？如果是後者，那麼很明顯絕 對不可以按照這答案回答。

另外要注意的一點，就是不要對另一伴不想說的事情追根究底，可能不這樣做你會感覺不甘心，但別忘了，他們不想說的原因，可能是他們也知道說真話不一定全是美好的。

10 Lessons from Einstein

Let's learn from Einstein!

1. Follow Your Curiosity “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.”

2. Perseverance is Priceless “It’s not that I’m so smart; it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

3. Focus on the Present “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”

4. The Imagination is Powerful “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions. Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

5. Make Mistakes “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

6. Live in the Moment “I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.”

7. Create Value “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”

8. Don’t be repetitive “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

9. Knowledge Comes From Experience “Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience.”

10. Learn the Rules and Then Play Better “You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”

10 Secrets of Super Happy Relationship

Pretend you just met.

Whether you've been together for six months or six years, spend some time each day acting as if you just started dating. Ask him what he thought of that TV episode or share what you'd do if you won the lottery. "Over time, couples stop asking those exploratory, get-to-know-you questions because they think they already understand each other," says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. But because we all continue to change and develop, little daily check-ins like this are what keep the connection growing, according to Orbuch's research of 373 pairs. Chat about something besides the daily grind—at least for a bit.

Limit the chick flicks.

If Jennifer Aniston and Ashton Kutcher regularly appear in your living room, your union could be in the danger zone. "Romantic comedies can set up unreasonable expectations, which may lead to unnecessary suffering," says Sean Patrick Hatt, Ph.D., a psychologist in Seattle. "Comparing yourselves with idealized others is a recipe for misery." Sure, rom-coms can be feel-good escapes, but they may also promote magical thinking about relationships. For example, as partnerships mature and the initial intensity tends to fade, many couples try to recapture the euphoria they had in the beginning, says Hatt. "And that sort of thinking is only reinforced by Hollywood endings," he adds. Stocking your Netflix queue? Treat the rom-coms as, well, treats.

Be the beauty to his beast.

Coupling up with an average Joe (with a beer belly) may be the key to long-term love. According to a study in the Journal of Family Psychology, when men were married to more attractive women, they seemed more likely to step up to the plate, says study author Benjamin R. Karney, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California at Los Angeles. "But when husbands were better-looking, they didn't seem as engaged in helping their wives achieve their goals." (Size matters too: When women had a lower BMI than their guy, both partners tended to be more satisfied, according to other research.) The real secret to success? Support. Whether you're motivated by a gorgeous face or some other quality, couples are more likely to enjoy long-run happiness when they're invested in each other's welfare.

Control the boozing.

Any relationship will be shaken and stirred by too much alcohol, but research suggests that young adults who drink heavily (meaning four or more drinks on one occasion for women; five or more for guys) are less likely to wed in the first place and may be at greater risk for early separation if they do. Partyers may be more likely to have commitment issues to begin with, and once they couple up their bonds may be unstable. "If you're going to be in a solid intimate partnership, you're going to need all the good judgment and compassion you can muster," says Hatt. Which means keeping the drinking in check.

Hold a grudge (as long as he doesn't).

Provided that your partner is able to bounce back from spats, you'll experience greater satisfaction, even if you tend to stay P.O.'d, according to recent research. The mark of a good recovery: You don't allow conflicts about one issue—say, money—to spill over into other areas of your relationship, such as how you help each other after a tough day, says study author Jessica E. Salvatore, Ph.D., of the University of Minnesota. A yang to your yin yields harmony.

Tweet responsibly.

According to a survey of 100,000 people from OkCupid .com, avid tweeters tend to have shorter relationships—10 percent shorter, on average—than those who don't microblog. "Having your eyes glued to a smartphone screen isn't exactly conducive to romance," says Hatt. Be sure your tendency toward technology (tweets, texts, and otherwise) doesn't take up time better spent engaging in heart-to-heart communication with your guy.

Don't win an Oscar.

That is unless you'd like to thank the academy for ruining your relationship. A Best Actress winner is 63 percent more likely to have her marriage end before her category mates do, say researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Toronto. (And it's not an honor just to be nominated either: Sixty percent of all nominees, male or female, experience at least one divorce after getting a nod.) While the breakup rate might seem like celebrity hogwash, the findings may speak to an underlying social norm: Sudden one-sided success can put a strain on a romantic partnership. "The increased rate of divorce may be due to a husband's discomfort with his wife's success," says study author Colleen Stuart, Ph.D. "On the other hand, the wife may grow dissatisfied with her current marital arrangement because she now has the confidence and opportunity to move away from a bad relationship." Try to remain a power couple: Encourage and celebrate each other's successes, big and small.

Burn bras (together).

Forget flowers—feminism is the new romance, say experts at Rutgers University in New Jersey. Women whose male partner is a feminist report better relationship quality, while men with feminist partners experience more sexual satisfaction and relationship stability. "A male feminist partner may increase a woman's ability to realize her own goals and career ambitions," says study author Laurie Rudman, Ph.D. "And male feminists are probably not threatened by their partner's strivings." Plus, these women may be more likely to initiate sex, and no guy will complain about that.

Nurture your friends' relationships.

You might divorce-proof your own. According to researchers, the breakup of a close pal's marriage increases your odds of splitting by as much as 75 percent. "Some people may see another's divorce as permission to change their own life," says study coauthor Rose McDermott, Ph.D. But when you encourage friends to stay together (happily), you may generate reasons that also apply to your bond.

Twist the sheets at least once a week.

The average American gets busy about two or three times a month, but increasing your romps to once a week generates as much bliss as scoring an extra $50,000 in income, according to researchers from Dartmouth College and the University of Warwick in England. It's not so much the sex itself that leads to happiness; the frequency is a better marker for a successful relationship. "Couples who like each other end up in bed more often," says study author Andrew J. Oswald, Ph.D. "And it's the liking-each-other part that increases joy." But seriously, who needs a reason? Bank on more booty.

2011 Resolution

Looking back, I was not a fun and brave girl for most of the time in 2011. Lots more new year's resolution for 2012 and I need even more courage, faith in myself, a clear mind and creativity to think out of the box :)

新的一年期望活的更精彩，更快活！放下自已的框框，信任直覺

Forget about the should and shouldn't, just use your intuitions and be spontaneous.

2012想要達成的:
- Work: 成為可獨當一面的Sales!
- Study: Pass CFA Level III
- Social: 多交友 (每個星期都要認識新的朋友)
- Finance: 開始認真投資
- Relationship: 學懂男人這件事, 找個好男人 => By June, see if to marry Alvin

- 每天看報看書
- "養性" : 不要懶 - 多笑多玩 (見新事物, 每個星期都要做新的嘗試) , 多閱讀 , 多思考, 多些自信, 多有主見, 多愛自己, 少點認真, 多些好玩的個性, 也繼續做個溫暖的可愛女子

另外的一些堅持和計劃
- 興趣: 高爾夫球,跳舞,攝影,
- "修身": 維持50公斤! Stay gorgeous and charming!

第一個人

有那樣長的過往，因此我能體諒
我能體諒你沒有失去所以不懂珍惜
我能體諒你肩膀除了自己甚麼也不能負
我能體諒你工作辛苦已抽走所有力量

Diversify your dreams

今天見我友，新婚的他有點悶悶的，細問之下明白了: there is nothing much to look forward to.

工作上已無挑戰，也知道無法升上高位

婚姻已成，六年的女友已成為太太，一起過起柴米油鹽的生活

我希望我一輩子對生活都有期待，有不同階段的夢想

不只一樣想做的事，正如世上沒有必要走不可的路