Gottman Test

Relationship Self Tests

Relationship Happiness

Instructions: Fill out every item below, telling us the extent to which AT THIS TIME you agree or disagree with each statement. Circle the choice that reflects how you feel RIGHT NOW.
Right now how do you feel?

1. I feel emotionally close to my partner.
   False
2. I think that my partner really cares about me.
   True       
3. I feel confident that we can deal with whatever problems or issues that might arise.
   True     
4. I would consider myself happy in this relationship.
   True        
5. I feel respected by my partner.
   True       
6. I am committed to staying in this relationship.
   True        
7. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for my partner.
    False
8. I find my partner very interesting.
   True       
9. I feel that my partner finds me physically attractive.
   True        
10. If I ever needed help I could count on my partner.
    True         
11. My partner really tries hard to meet my needs.
    True         
12. My partner really listens to me.
    True         
13. I am satisfied with our sex life.
    True         
14. I am confident we can handle any conflict that may arise between us.
    True         
15. My partner shows pride in my accomplishments.
    True         
16. I feel appreciated for what I contribute to this relationship.
    True        
17. I really feel loved in this relationship.
    True         
18. My partner really knows me well.
    True        
19. My partner is one of my best friends.
    True        
20. My partner loves my sense of humor.
    True         

Flooding

Read each statement and place a check mark in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE box.

1. Our discussions get too heated.
   True       
2. I have a hard time calming down.
   True        
3. One of us is going to say something we will regret.
   False
4. I think to myself, "Why can't we talk more logically?"
   True         

Scoring the Relationship Tests

Relationship Happiness: Add up the number of items for which you answered "True." Multiply this number by 5. 18x 5 = 90
If your score and your partner's score is above 80, congratulations! You are reasonably happy in your relationship. You might enjoy enhancing the strengths in your relationship. Otherwise, there is need for some improvement in your relationship.
Flooding: Add up the number of items for which you answered "True." Multiply this number by 20.3x20=60
If your score or your partner's score is above 40, you have a problem dealing with conflict and self-soothing during conflict. There is need for some improvement in the area of conflict.